The Flight of Reason

Title From Paul Johnson's "Intellectuals"

McDonalds Happy Meals… WTF? And WTF? December 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — dinkerson @ 4:49 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

 

 

Dear McDonalds,

 

Last week I bought one of your happy meals for both of my children. I know that your food is disgusting and unnatural, and the girl at the window looks suspiciously like she may eat boiled frogs and lizard biscuits for breakfast. But, hey… who gives a damn? We’ve come to expect nothing less from you.

The toys? The carbs? The creepy, metro-updated, eighties clown? God knows why my children have this enigmatic propensity toward consuming your mystical products. They’ve just gotta have those gosh darned happy meals, and who am I to deny them?

 

Thus…

 

We ordered our “food”, paid the toothless girl at the window who only had hair on one side of her head, and subsequently received our products at the second window from the  mustached man who, unlike the girl in your commercials, was digging inside one of his chin folds trying to locate an irritating pimple.

 

McDonaldsGirlstill-01m

Sure. Whatever-the-f*ck-ever. Maybe at the McDonalds in Heaven

 

 

Having satisfied our purposes, away we went. What joy shown on my children’s faces as they opened their little red boxes cleverly adorned with presumptuous smiley faces.

Twas a scene reminiscent of my own happy meal loving days, as my son pulled the little plastic sealed and fine print loaded toy from the smiling red box.

That’s when it happened. “WTF?!!?”, cried my son as he unwrapped his new toy. Keeping in mind that daddies are supposed to have answers to these kinds of questions, I took the little piece of plastic from my son’s hand and gave it a close inspection. “Son, that’s a… well, that’s a good question”, I said. “What’s This For, you ask? I haven’t a clue. Perhaps we’ll keep it around and see if some practical purpose emerges over the next couple of weeks”.

 

 

Oh, The Excitement!

Oh, The Excitement!

 

 

The thing looked like a rocket with a mohawk growing out of a big green boil, and it had a cat’s eyeball on the front. Clearly this toy was loaded with an array of features, all of which wreaked confusion on my little son’s analytical mind.

 

 

DSC03234

No Wireless Capability? For Shame.

 

 

Taylor believed that it would be worth trying “The Thing” out as a computer mouse. I supposed it was as good a guess as any other. It may have worked had my computer had a bluetooth option.

 

 

P1120650

Where’s the Gal Blasted on button?

 

 

Hoping to find some good use for the device, I took it with me to work one day. Truly, I had high hopes for a discovery of some practical function, but those were quickly dashed when I couldn’t find any “on” button. Plus, playing around with that thing on the job site wasn’t doing a thing for my professional image.

 

 

DSC03249

Table Decor?

 

 

I have to tell you, we had all given up on ever finding a purpose for this ridiculous and quite ugly little shape. We had given up, that is, until…

 

 

DSC03243

Three, And Still Everything Goes in the Mouth :^)

 

 

Taylor put the rocket shaped end of your stupid happy meal toy in her mouth… and she laughed. The sound that followed startled everybody in the room. Why, it was a microphone!!! I mean, really? Really?!!?

So, McDonalds, I leave you with my own WTF with regard to your happy meals this Christmas season. Because, really, Where is it? Where’s The Fun?

 

 

 

 

 

35 Responses to “McDonalds Happy Meals… WTF? And WTF?”

  1. Java Girl Says:

    As I was reading this, I asked my 11 year old what he thought it was since he gets the “Mighty Kids Meal” and he said, “I know. It’s from a movie.”. I asked, “What movie?”. He replied, “I don’t know.” McD’s is coming out with some strange shizzy toys lately. Remember those Star Wars glass cups they use to sell? Good times!

    • dinkerson Says:

      Shizzy toys? Yes. I want to be the bastard who designs this stuff. I mean somebody got paid to design that thing. And somebody from McD’s looked at it and said, “You know, I think I’ll take three million of those. You’ve really nailed it on the design this time, Sam”.

  2. I hope McDonald’s sees this and thinks of one person things that way there may be a few more, but you…you are a great, inventive daddy.

    • dinkerson Says:

      Thank you! I do what I can to keep things interesting around here. And, what can I say, if McD’s sees this post and it changes the world… Hey I did my part. :^)

  3. Thanks for the great laugh. I needed it today. It’s wierd – the McDonald’s we go to is giving out “Rise of the Guardians” toys, and they’re pretty cool. I stole one of the kid’s Sandman toys and took it to work for my desk. The
    Sandman soothes me when I’m stressed.

    • dinkerson Says:

      Your welcome, Lucas. You know, I needed a laugh today too. That’s why I wrote this.
      It does seem that McD’s gets a little better when they’re distributing toys specific to a movie event.
      We missed out on The Sandman. Shucks.

  4. I almost wet my pasts laughing! I love the pimple comment. However non-PC it might be! This is why I love your posts. You kill me…..
    I would have been the same way WTF!!!!

  5. Ammon Says:

    Long time, no blog. Welcome back.

    • dinkerson Says:

      Thanks, Ammon! I was having keyboard problems with my old computer, and it was making it impossible to write entire posts. I hope to be back for the duration, if I can get back in the swing of it. ;^)

  6. lolabees Says:

    Wait, did your son actually say, “WTF?!?!”? Bah-da-ba-ba-ba, I’m Lovin’ It!

    • dinkerson Says:

      Isn’t marketing amazing. I read your comment and helplessly envisioned a bunch of attractive people eating greasy cheeseburgers.

      My explanation of the WTFs was perhaps too subtle. My son said, “What’s This For?” Lol! ;^)

  7. Wineness Says:

    Okay really, I didn’t need one more blog to read as I have initially started reading blogs while enjoying a glass of wine in the evening now I read so many blogs that I sometimes need TWO glasses of wine to get through them all! You may be helping to turn me into a drunk but anyone who not only admits to taking their children to Mickey D’s but writes a hilarious blog post about it is worth the damage to my liver! Thanks for the laugh!

    • dinkerson Says:

      Your Wineness, I love your style. I’m more of a cognac brandy kind of guy, and I too have become a WordPress alcoholic. In fact, I keep a bottle on my desk, and a snifter in my drawer. Okay, it’s not really a snifter. More of base weighted whiskey glass. But I find myself opening my bottle all through the morning, just to smell this stuff. Sometimes I just can’t wait until after breakfast when drinking becomes decent.
      Maybe it’s all the hurting people on WordPress, and you and I must bear their burdens, maybe it’s just an excuse to party. I don’t know where the stem of the problem is, but I’m kind of okay with it.

  8. Frank Says:

    Not only did you have me laughing, gotta admire your creativity on its uses. Nonetheless, good points made!!!

  9. rangewriter Says:

    Hilarious! What is it about kids and junk food? This so reminds me of my childhood (& young adult) cravings for those dang Hostess products. And those didn’t even include lame plastic toys !

    • dinkerson Says:

      I know, right? And I’m all for letting them enjoy such things in moderation. I’m not a health nut, but I believe that it’s important to stay reasonably fit. Plus I don’t want to have to roll my kids out tot the school bus like so many parents do these days.
      I like to think that my kids are evidence that junk food doesn’t make kids fat. Stupid parents who allow overindulgence in junk food make kids fat.

      Just sayin’.

  10. Dugutigui Says:

    It is clear that McDonald’s cannot flourish without McDonnell Douglas, the designer of the F-15 :)
    Great story indeed!

  11. WordsFallFromMyEyes Says:

    Maybe that piece of plastic is some Chinese 3yo’s artwork & we just don’t realise the genius yet, because it fell into the hands of McDonalds….

    A unique post, Dinkerson – loved the perspective :)

    • dinkerson Says:

      You know, you may be right. I pictured some fat, greasy faced, balding dude. Eating doughnuts and watching porn, while half heartedly designing toys in another tab.
      However, if this is art, it wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve missed it. Lol :)

      Thanks for dropping in. It’s really good to hear from you.

  12. Subhan Zein Says:

    They don’t have any of those here in Down Under.

    Subhan Zein

  13. lol is all I can say about that! LOL


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